Family Life Articles

Photo: Anissa Thompson

Last night as my husband and I sat around the table with our five children eating supper, our youngest child, two year old Laura, decided to get up and play on the floor. You know how enchanting little ones are to watch. Before we knew it she was covering her eyes and playing “peek-a-boo” with us.

She would cover her eyes, squeezing them tightly shut and smiling brightly all the while. And we would call, “Where’s Laura?” And finally she would throw up her hands with the biggest grin and giggle with all her might as we said, “There she is!”

So, it struck me how funny small children are. Toddlers really believe no one can see them if they themselves cannot see anyone. They believe they can “hide” from their parents, even though mom and dad are right there watching their every move.

It occurred to me that we, as children of God, often play “hide and seek.” We believe that if no one can see us commit our sins, that our secrets are safe. We forget that God, our loving Father, is right there - watching our every move. We forget that even though our thoughts, our actions in private, or even the harsh words we say to a loved one are not often made public before our peers, God is right there cringing with each mistake and wishing we would listen to His steady voice.

God Knows Better

And just like any loving parent, God is there to pick us up and offer comfort when we fall. We may fool ourselves into believing that our sins are safely hidden away in the deep recesses of our hearts and minds, but God knows better.

While we may hide from the truth, God is constantly seeking our hearts. When was the last time you played hide and seek with God?

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By Melissa Ringstaff. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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Photo: Jarsem

My local store features rows of beautiful red hothouse-grown tomatoes. The controlled environment produces perfection on the outside but bland, unsatisfying taste and texture on the inside. Out under the blazing sun, brushed by the wind and the rain, grow the real beauties that can make any sandwich a gastronomic delight.

We face an interesting parallel in our homes and schools. On one hand, many of our kids arrive each morning at school from home environments that are dysfunctional and at times abusively toxic. School is their stability; teachers their only mentors—thank God for dedicated teachers. Yet there is another extreme that is pushing some towards the ditch on the opposite side of the road.

“Hothouse parents,” as Psychology Today describes them, hover over their children and their children’s schools, even up through the collegiate level. It is a level of protectionism that not only drives teachers crazy, but excuses children from difficult choices and situations. Rather than upset these parents, some public schools have selected 10 to 12 valedictorians. Yet, it seems to me that this political correctness, this desire to insulate children from any sense of failure is counterproductive if we want to raise leaders rather than wimps.

Pushing Achievement more than Character Development

Some in our society, parents included, are pushing student achievement far more than character development. Yet, by forcing kids toward more achievement, parents have eliminated the very process by which children learn to cope with life’s realities, the very process by which character matures. Students arrive at college or even their first job, unable to contend positively with peer pressure or basic ethical issues of right and wrong.

Seems to me a “hothouse” environment is not the ideal place for our children. Shouldn’t character development, training our children to make choices and live with the consequences, be a higher priority than mere achievement? Are they mutually exclusive? What do you think? What are the pitfalls on either side of this question?

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By Steve Vistaunet. Portions reprinted with persmission from the North Pacific Union Conference Gleaner, October 2006. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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Photo: Mikhail Kovalev

Marianne always put the kettle on. We’d known each other since we attended South High School, in Akron, Ohio. However, the years of our young motherhood launched the full bloom of our friendship. As a friend, she measured well. She died in July 2009. I am poorer without her yet my friendship coffer remains full; I treasure each one who fills a part of my circle, and making new friends is ever a joy.

Along life’s pathway, there is a key element in lasting friendship: the art of listening, the same element that makes a person successful at most anything in life. Marianne knew the listening-art well.

A visit to Marianne’s home found her scurrying to put the kettle on to fix a warm drink—and listen. She liked to brew tea bags in fat mugs. She always made one tea bag do for two mugs. That is, one bag for each of us to each savor two cupfuls. As she listened, she’d press the warm cup close to her cheek and cast her blue eyes directly, lovingly, at me, exposing her obvious sense of caring.

Often in our young years, when money was tight, we’d go into a card shop together and pick out cards to view, telling the other “this card is for you.” We’d sigh or cry over the sentiments, enjoying our bit of frugality. Indeed, those times provided sweet moments of sisterhood serendipity.

Wealth of Family

I always enjoyed listening to her accounts of growing up with Hungarian grandparents on her father’s side of the family—and her American “Hoosier” family on her mother’s side. She seemed so very proud of her queue of maternal aunts. Those stories delighted me as a child of divorce, who knew little about my own heritage. Wealth of family was hers. I enjoyed her family too, especially her mother Elsa and her Aunt Reba. Her children also became special to me.

Listening provided a two-way street for us every time we gathered our skirts about us for a visit in person, by telephone, by postmark mail or in the electronic age by email. We succored each other through both the hardest and most joyous parts of our lives.

She stands out as the one who always put the kettle on. She took time for me, as I did for her. Interestingly, an aspect that I remember well is this; as we discussed something of utmost importance, she’d go to her hutch and choose her daintiest teacups—not the mugs. There were times when “the fine” helped us make the best decisions, and we often made them over demitasse.

Yet be it with delicate china cups or thick mugs, our hearts meshed, a friendship to remember. She never asked if I held a thirst for a warm drink, she simply put the kettle on. With the kettle’s whistle, I knew both safety and love in her presence. Friends are an extension of family and she will ever remain as a sister.

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By Betty Kossick. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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Photo: Gokhan Okur

Every one of us has experienced a situation where another human being, especially a child, has “pushed our buttons”. Sometimes these negative interactions are momentary; sometimes they last for days.

Have you ever felt stuck in such a situation? Take courage.You are not alone and you can take steps to dissipate what I like to call the relationship blues.Try this.

Vent your feelings by listing words that describe how you are viewing the child/person of your frustration. Don’t stop to analyze your responses, just identify them. Be specific. The only rule here is that you must write what you feel the person is, not what you feel the person ought to be. For example:

Lillian is stubborn!!!!

Lillian is touchy!!

Lillian is too fussy.

Lillian is a dreamer.  (Notice I can’t say inattentive, that tells what she is not.)

Now ask yourself, “How does this make me feel?” List your responses:

I feel frustrated, mad, angry, depressed, like giving up. . .

Having identified exactly what is bothering you, let out a breath, relax your clenched jaw, and consider two very important facts. First, feelings are never wrong. Feelings are. The way they are handled may need improvement, but the feelings themselves are not wrong. We and our children need to understand the critical role healthy feelings play in helping us to make judgments about our own behavior as well as the role they play in helping us to set sensible boundaries between ourselves and others.¹  And second, did you know that you can find something to be happy about in this list of “awful” traits?

Look for the Positive

Go back, and as you look, identify something positive within each negative trait. Like this:

Lillian is stubborn.  -  She may be very determined or persuasive. That would help her encourage others to stick with something or help her finish when others have given up.

Lillian is touchy.  -  She may be very sensitive. She will sense needs that others aren’t aware of. . .

Lillian is too fussy.  -  She may be very careful or attentive to detail. . .

Lillian is a dreamer.  -  She may be very creative and imaginative. . .

Lillian is messy.  -  She may be very easy going, not likely to get stressed. . .

I hope this exercise will both lift your spirits and give you something to be thankful for.

And next time, before feelings begin to build, first try diffusing the situation with a bit of positive praise. Instead of reacting with, “Don’t be so fussy!” Try, “I’m really glad that I have a son/daughter who pays so much attention to detail. That trait could help you be a really good research reporter, doctor. . . .  Let’s see what we can work out here.” The praise will help everyone involved feel positive and open the path toward resolution of your conflict.

And if feelings still build... you know what you can do.

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By C. Rene Ammundsen. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

¹ Carol Cannon discusses this topic in depth in her book, "Never Good Enough", 1993.

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Photo: Michal Rybski

My three-month stint as a sales representative in the car business was an eye-opening time of discovery and jaw-dropping realizations that many car dealerships (including the one that I was working for) were less than scrupulous. I left that job in disgust after witnessing the financial fleecing of a young couple with a new baby. In that transaction, there was only one winner….the dealership.

Years later I taught consumer advocate classes on how to get the best deal on a new vehicle. Class attendees were excited to learn that thousands could be saved simply by knowing what to do. Here are a few tips that might be helpful if you’re contemplating a vehicle purchase.

1. Be informed. With web sites like www.edmunds.com and www.kbb.com (the Kelly Blue Book site), there is no reason why anyone should pay more than they have to. These informative sites list manufacturers’ suggested retail prices (MSRP) for most vehicles, and often give you inside information on safety ratings, popularity, and re-sale value of cars, pickups and SUVs. Being an informed consumer gives you the buying edge.

2. Be calculated. Start looking before you actually need another car. Undo pressure to find a vehicle because yours is no longer running can work against you, especially when your options are limited. Decide which brand and model will best suit your needs before you begin your search. Never make final decisions in the car lot. You haven’t lost anything if you go home and think about it.

3. Timing is everything. December is usually a good month to purchase a new car or truck because car dealerships are ordinarily slow during the holiday rush. Keep in mind, they want you to purchase a vehicle as much (or perhaps more) than you need to purchase one. Take your time, do your homework, and cross-check everything in the transaction.

4. Learn the tricks of the trade. By putting in some time with a consumer advocate website or two, you can learn some of the tricks that dealers often employ to get more of your hard earned money. Place the phrase, “car buying tips” in the search engines, and discover less-than-honest techniques used against unsuspecting buyers. There are many dishonest people in our world (whether we like it or not), and understanding their game plan can keep you from making costly blunders.

5. Don’t buy new. Purchasing a vehicle that’s two years or older from a private party can save you a bundle. Employ the information found at www.edmunds.com to discover current market prices for the model year you’re looking at. Keep in mind that new doesn’t necessarily mean better.

Oh, and there’s one more thing that the auto pros won’t tell you to do – ask God to direct your family to a vehicle that will serve you well. Our Creator cares about everything that affects our lives and can help us make good decisions, even when it comes to the vehicles we need.

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By Michael Temple. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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Photo: Tracy Whiteside

Home for the summer from my first year in college, my old friends wanted to know what college life was like. Many of the seniors at my old high school asked me, “What do I do, when I get to college and I have all that free time?” (What they meant was more unstructured time compared to high school.) Free time, are you kidding me?

I told them I learned that the most important thing for me was time management. I had to learn the hard way. I spent my "free" time watching TV shows online or movies with my friends. But as the semester progressed, I learned that I needed to get my priorities straight, or I wouldn’t succeed in college.

I made a schedule for myself. A schedule helped me see what was important, and what could wait. I could prioritize my many activities realizing that there were only so many hours in a day. I felt organized and happier.

Practical Ideas

Here are some practical ideas that have helped me manage my time better.

1. Create a list. At the beginning of the week, list all the things you have to get done before that week is over. It helps to see everything laid out in front of you and how it will fit into your week.

2. Use a calendar. I would create a list of all the homework and projects due for that week and then put them onto a calendar that I bought. That way, when I had time left over, I could double check my calendar and make sure I had checked off all the things I knew I had do or see if there were any items I had neglected. 

3. Ask for God's help. In managing my time, I had to remember the King of all time management. What a relief to know that when I asked God to help me manage the time He has given me, He did help. He has promised in Isaiah 32:8: "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye."

I may become frustrated, at the lack of time to get my work done each day. But God, in all His power, can make all things possible. He will help me manage what I cannot. Trusting Him to lead my life is the wisest decision I have ever made because He can see so much farther than I can.

With these simple steps you are sure to experience a less hectic, more fulfilled life.

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By Jennifer Camps. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW KING JAMES VERSION © 1982.

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Photo: Jeri Gray

Some of you may be familiar with the place. You may have had a similar experience. After eating lunch at Fernwood Gardens (a botanical garden near Buchanan, Michigan), my husband and I had taken a short walk down to a dock at the water’s edge on the St. Joseph River. As we sat there soaking in the quiet beauty and warmth of the sun, I looked across the water and saw two adult Canada Geese swimming down the river. Between them were three goslings. Talk about synchronized swimmers!

As I marveled in their beauty and the way they swam together, I heard a motor boat approaching from the other direction. The boat was coming so quickly that I was worried it would be upon them before they could swim to safety. Yes, the parents could take off in flight, but not the goslings! I felt a stab of fear as the boat came closer and closer.

The geese were in the middle of a wide stretch of the river. Almost imperceptibly the male, who was in the lead, changed direction and began to swim towards the shore. His family followed.  There was no sense of confusion or anxiety.

As the two parents directed their little ones towards safety, I thought about how it might be if it were a human family. The female might have said, “I take care of these kids more than you do, and I know they swim to the left faster than towards the right.” The parents could have discussed, or even argued, about which parent knew what was right or best. In the meantime, the little ones would have been in jeopardy and all would have lost important time. These parents had a partnership, and together they worked for the good of their family.

As they glided, seemingly so effortlessly, close to the shore and the speed boat passed the geese, it struck me that there was a lesson here. After the family of geese were safely resting under some hanging tree limbs by the shore, my husband and I talked about lessons we could glean from that experience.

This goose family illustrated what I believe God intended for our families. Goose pairs mate for life, and both parents care for their goslings. God’s desire is that husband and wife, mother and father, work together for the good of their children. They are to protect their children from the dangers of this world. I believe those three goslings had no idea of their potential peril.

I invite you to consider other lessons we can learn from Canada Geese and that little family of five.

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By Susan E. Murray. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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Last week I remembered that it has been one year since my husband had his motorcycle accident. After I heard a chaplain’s message on my cell phone, after I panicked and went numb, after I called my son, and then found my way to the hospital ER, I finally got to see my husband lying on a gurney. He appeared pale and vulnerable, wrapped in a hospital- issue blanket with an IV in his arm. One arm was very swollen and scraped raw. There was gunk around one ear and upon further inventory, one leg was also scraped. He was nauseated but alert. The only thing he could remember was changing lanes and the sensation of his bike starting to slide under him. He had no knowledge of where he landed, who called the ambulance or his ride to the hospital. I wanted to crawl up and lay beside him.

Our son and daughter-in-law arrived and offered their support. I called our daughter, Tim’s colleagues and some family members, asking for prayers. Finally, after hours of observations and a good MRI, the attending physician prescribed that Tim stay overnight and be re-checked in the morning. Reluctantly I kissed him good night while he waited for an available bed. 

I carried away his scraped helmet and leather jacket, plus a bag with his cut up pants and a messy shirt. As I walked into the house, and tried to go to bed that night, I was so overwhelmed by what “almost happened.” If, if, if, —I could have come home a widow. The end of our earthly relationship. Our bed felt so big that night while he stayed in the hospital. When I went to see him in the morning, I found him on the neurology ward. During my few hours with him there, we could hear some incoherent screaming and ranting coming from a room down the hall. I became aware that worse things could have happened besides his death—living with the shell of a man, or one whose brain damage would have left him with a changed personality, inability to work, or outbursts of rage or withdrawal.

Damage

So the damage amounted to a concussion, bruised arm and a totaled motorcycle—minus a pair of pants and a shirt. I couldn’t keep him at home for very long, drove him for a few days, and watched for signs of internal damage. He suffered from dizziness for about a month, and sometimes it seemed he was more forgetful. We joked about him using the accident as an excuse for lots of things. I made it very plain to him that I did not ever want to receive another motorcycle accident phone call. 

For weeks when I drove along the road where he had his accident, I kept wondering, “is that where he fell? Are those blacks marks from his accident?” I cringed when I saw men on motorcycles without jackets and helmets—resisting the urge to scream at them during traffic stoplights. 

I believe that my husband became much more committed to his relationship with God and myself after his accident. Good things do sometimes come out of bad. I’m thankful and aware of the fragility of our lives on this earth. In a second, everything can change. I also believe that God shares with us, that sense of an unfinished relationship when people are lost or damaged in accidents. It is He also, who longs for “more time to get closer, to make things right.” He knows that we live in an “accident waiting to happen,” and God hates those phone calls more than we will ever know.  

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By Karen Spruill, M.A. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION ®.

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Photo: Elina Elisseeva

One of the most important ingredients in a happy Christian home is faithful attendance at the family altar. The Bible shows a consistent example of daily worship, morning and evening. In addition to having individual time with God each day, many Christian families make time for family worship as well.

This practice of family worship is strongly encouraged by the Christian community. Books have been written. Sermons have been preached. Traditions have been handed down. And it's no wonder either, when we consider the world in which we live. Taking time with our children first thing in the morning encourages a spiritual start to the day as well as ending the day with a spiritual nightcap.

Most families agree that having family worship is essential when children are young as this time can be an opportunity for daily lessons from the Bible as well as training them to spend time every day in prayer. But it seems that family worship sometimes begins to decrease when the children become teens. Perhaps this is because the teens have begun their own worship time, which is great! That would be evidence that the years of family worship prior to that have made a positive impact. Or maybe things just get a lot busier in the household as the children get older. Whatever the reason, I'd like to suggest that families make a special effort to hold on to family worship time for as long as their children are in the home.

Here are some reasons to do that:

1. Family worship is a treasure that lasts only a few years. Even if the kids are not especially “into” it, they are still present and it is time that the family is connecting with each other. Likely, that practice is one they will continue with their children when the time comes.


2. Having family worship in the morning beats Satan to the punch! And who wants Satan punching on their teens?  Morning worship gives an opportunity to ask God's protection from Satan as well as to ask for guidance on activities that will be happening that day in school and at work. It doesn't have to be lengthy at all. The point is not to see how much material you can absorb, but to truly absorb whatever little nugget you can. Then in the evening worship, you may just want to review whatever that nugget was and if it applied to them through the day.


3. Don't expect every family worship time to be a spiritual high with your teens. If you do, you will probably be disappointed or discouraged. Just as with going to church, every sermon doesn't change our lives. But if we aren't present, the sermon that would change our lives will never be received. It's the same with family worship. The call is to show up. The spiritual effects may not be realized until later. On the other hand, sometimes there will definitely be spiritual highs.


4. Teens need family worship as much as younger children. This family time can be used to discuss how the Bible stories apply to real life as they are going through some of the most difficult situations they will ever face in their lives.


5. Try not to be a control freak when it comes to family worship. While a sense of reverence needs to be maintained, teens need to know they have a safe place to discuss honestly some questions or concerns they may be having regarding spiritual matters. So if you read one verse of the Bible and it ends up leading to a discussion that leaves no time to finish the passage, don't worry about it. Put your family worships in God's hands and allow the Holy Spirit to lead.

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By Gwen Scott Simmons. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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One Sabbath Jesus showed up at His hometown synagogue in Nazareth and had the Scripture reading. It caused such a fuss that they tried to toss Him over the cliff at the end of the service.

In the midst of this most unfortunate reception, Jesus told His hearers  that "no prophet is welcome in his hometown" (Luke 4:24). This is such a universal principle. The people who are closest to us usually do not elicit much of our respect or praise. The grass is always greener, the person is always more talented on the other side of the fence.

Take our dog Ginger. Ginger is a mutt, a medium-sized-Benji-like dog with curly brown hair and the most crooked teeth in the world. We got her several years ago and she has grown up with the family. Right away she became attached to my wife and still follows her everywhere.

Now, I grew up with hunting dogs who stayed in pens in the backyard. They were not really pets but provided my father with eager dogs who flushed out the deer during hunting season. They had names like Mike and Duke and would run all day in the open air. I can tell you that none of them had a name like "Ginger" who slept indoors and was definitely "spoiled."

When we moved over near the hills I got a mountain bike and began riding. I often thought how my father would take his dogs to the hills and how they loved to run their hearts out. But all I had was Ginger, Miss tenderfoot, who only got up to eat and chase the occasional cat.

Little Did I Know

To this day I don't know what got into me, but I decided to take Ginger for a little run in the hills. She always liked riding in the car, so I packed my bike and the dog and headed toward the mountains. Now I was fully expecting for Ginger to whine by the side of the road, and initiate a get lost, not-keep-up act. But when we hit the trail, I was somewhat surprised that Ginger, like the hunting dogs, kept right with me when going up the hill. I was even more shocked that she became a speed demon and endurance champ when going down the hill. She literally ran herself to exhaustion.

At the end of the ride I knew that I had found a new mountain companion. For several years afterword, whenever Ginger would see me getting prepared to ride, she would get super-excited with the thought that I might take her to the mountains.

As Jesus said, "No dog is accepted in their hometown." Do you have a child, student, employee, or employer you think you know, but maybe don't? Give them a chance. Take them to the "hills." You might be surprised how well they can run.

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By Jim Park. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines. Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE ®

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Careers and education often create difficult choices for families to relocate—within a state or across the country. Many grandparents face the reality of years of separation from their grandchildren or pulling up their own roots to follow their families. Often grandparents are not financially able to start over in a new location, are not ready to become dependent by living with their children and grandchildren, or do not have strong enough health to make the transition. It is with deep sorrow they wave good-bye or lose the privilege of living near their grandchildren.

How can grandparents cope with the many miles between them and the grandchildren they so love and want to have as a part of their lives? I offer a few suggestions that might ease the feelings of being discarded or forgotten:

Stay current with technology: yes, old dogs can learn new tricks. My dear father-in-law tackled the skills of e-mailing at age 85. Busy adult children and grandchildren will be more accessible by e-mail and digital photography use. Many senior centers and community colleges offer short courses in e-mail or photography. It is possible to stay current with family life in ways that allow you to see their activities. You will amaze your family, and learning new skills is a proven way to help your own mental abilities stay sharp. If you have two or three families to write to, consider starting a letter of your own, weekly sending it for additions to each child’s address and then back to you. You may also find ways to stay connected by asking for your grandchildren’s favorite TV shows and making a point to watch one of them, just so you can discuss the events together the next day—and you’ll stay current with their generation. Or you can plan to read a certain book together and discuss the chapters by e-mail. Think about how you could use video to share your hobbies and interests--reading chapters out of story books for small grandchildren’s bedtimes; grandma showing how to make some of her special recipes or instructions for crocheting, or simple sewing; grandfather’s best golf swing, how to pot plants, etc.

Start a long-distance collection or journey: Children ages 8-12 often enjoy collections and receiving additions. If you live near the beach, or fossil beds, you could encourage your grandchild’s knowledge by sending special items periodically. They could do the same for you if they live near special habitat or geography and you could supply the mailers if you know the parents are too busy. Forwarding interesting website pages will show that you are involved in their interests. Encourage an overweight grandchild by sending a pedometer and pick a journey: we will both walk across “Alabama” this summer and keep track of daily miles, posting where we each are on a map, and learning about towns along the way. Celebrate the goal with a gift ordered from that state or area.
  
Offer to take one child for a period in the summer: grandparents can feel overwhelmed if they think they have to invite two or more grandchildren to spend the whole summer. It might be best to take one at a time, or one this summer and another next summer. Consider the age of the child/children. Small children may do best if they have a sibling with them. If you are not sure what to do with the children and fear they will be bored, consider what activities are available in your community: VBS at any local churches, story time at the local library, a special class at the YMCA, picking fruits and vegetables, or a special event at the senior center. Make an investment in something extra fun for your home, especially if you have more than one grandchild—a four-wheeler, an aboveground summer pool, several new board games, or some craft kits. Special memories can be built around a project: making a birdhouse, sewing a small quilt, updating a computer or car, etc.

Consider a yearly family reunion: more and more families that are scattered around the country find special meaning in family reunions held at amusement parks, state parks, camp meetings, or cruises. If you do not know where to start, a local travel agent or website could give you some ideas and get some group rates. Holidays might be a good time to try this so that there is a neutral turf and no “favorites” for getting together.

Do a Birthday Update: especially if you cannot be with your grandchildren on their birthdays, send that e-mail or do a telephone interview with the child to find out how they are growing. “Happy Birthday, I want to know all about you.” Ask many questions: how tall are you, what size do you wear now, what is your favorite color, food, sport, music group, best friend, favorite book and movie, hardest class in school, etc. Most importantly, remember the birthday and Christmas with some kind of memento, even if it is just a small gift card to a store.
 
Adopt another grandchild: do for a child what you wish someone would do for yours. Many children are separated from grandparents or vice versa.  When our children were small, a close friend of my in-laws would sit near us in church and bring a little treat or gift for them. Her grandchildren lived far away and she made each week special for our children. My own mother sewed special gifts for a small girl in her church. Watch for small items at dollar stores, store sales or garage sales. Many private schools will welcome a grandparent to come in and read stories or just share lunchtime with select students.

Keep a sense of humor: my grandfather and I used to exchange funny letters in which we pretended to be American Indians. He would slip in some of his favorite activities, as would I with our imaginative personas. The 6-10 year old crowd often appreciates newspaper cartoons and jokes. Funny, smiling grandparents are nice to spend time with—whether it is in person or electronically!

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By Karen Spruill, M.A. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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Photo: Studiomill

Tears stung my eyes as frustration broke through my giddy, excited state. I’d been determined to keep a happy attitude in order to still the fear of traveling alone. It proved harder than I thought once the van driver started yelling at me. All alone at the airport in a country I’d never been to, I couldn’t find the place where the driver had told me he’d pick me up. After fifteen minutes of waiting at the wrong place, I received his angry phone call and heard his rapid yelling in Spanish. I got myself to the second floor, the right place, and waited at terminal B.

I was alone with my failure for six hours in the back of a van, filled with people I’d never seen before and would never see again. Then I remembered the resolution I’d made to myself a long time ago. Learn something positive from everyone you meet. Now that's a fairly easy thing to do, under the right circumstances. It’s easy to find the positive in the man waiting in line with you at Starbucks, who tells you his compelling life story, or the woman at the supermarket who handles her screaming toddlers with patience and expertise. Not so easy to do when a complete stranger is yelling at you for not doing something you didn’t know how to do. Or when the old man sitting next to you in a beat-up van is asleep a mere inches away from your face.

Time passed, and the old man woke up and we got to talking. I learned that he was extremely smart, and knew, and was accepting of, cultures that weren’t his own. Lesson learned:  Be less self-centered. The old man was dropped off at his desired location, and then so was everyone else but me. I was left alone with my “best friend,” who had yelled at me.

Impromptu Tour

I moved closer to the front and he asked me if it was my first time in Puerto Rico. When I answered that it was, he proceeded to give me an impromptu tour, even in the complete darkness, as he drove me all the way to where I needed to go.

I learned so much, and not just about Puerto Rico. I learned that he lived an hour away from where he was dropping me off, and had a long way to go before he finally got home to his family. I learned that driving me all the way up the mountains usually cost more, but he wasn’t going to charge me any more than the standard rate, and that he was a man true to his word. He didn’t even accept a tip, no matter how much I insisted.

I realized that, whether it had been my fault or not, I had made him late, delaying him, and everyone else on the van, from getting home. He could have scammed me, dropped me off at a bus station instead of taking me all the wayto my destination, and I wouldn’t have known that he could have done better. Lesson learned: Don’t ever, ever, assume that everything about a person can be determined by a first impression… and get better at learning life's lessons. 

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By Raquel Levy. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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Photo: Daniel Mohorovic

Three guys walking on a beach together stumble on an ancient lamp. As they pick it up and hold it, suddenly a genie pops out.

“For freeing me from my prison,” says the genie, “each of you will receive one wish.”

The rancher among them says, “I’d sure like to be back on my ranch with all my cattle.” Poof! He’s gone.

The cabbie says, “I’d sure like to be back in New York City driving my taxicab.” Poof! He’s gone, too.

“And what is your wish?” the genie asks the third guy.

“Well, I’m kinda lonely here with the other guys gone. I wish they were back with me!” Poof! Poof! Welcome back guys!

Chronically Lonely

A Gallup poll a few years back discovered that one in three Americans are chronically lonely. Busy work and family schedules, geographic mobility, divorce, and fragmentation of families are all increasig a sense of isolation and a deepening need for meaningful relationships. Which heightens the significance of knowing how to build good, healthy relationships.

Remember the hugely popular TV sitcom "Friends," the ongoing stories about six young adult friends living in Manhattan? The show triumphed for 10 seasons, essentially helping to define or at least describe American relational culture. The show’s theme song stated:

“See no one told you life was going to be this way. Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s DOA. It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear, when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year. But I’ll be there for you (when the rain starts to fall). I’ll be there for you (like I’ve been there before). I’ll be there for you (cause you’re there for me too).”

Who among us wouldn’t want to enjoy that kind of relationship with others? So what does it take?

Fostering good relationships is about providing spaces to nurture meaningful connections with each other and others, where we’re learning how to say “I’ll be there for you ….” Having good relationships might not be as easy as rubbing the magic genie’s lamp—but who knows—your deepest wishes could come true.

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By Greg Nelson. Copyright © 2010 by GraceNotes. All rights reserved. Use of this material is subject to usage guidelines.

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